I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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