Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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