Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
