if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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