I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
