Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
