I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
