Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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