I am spending my child support on dildos
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
