I got chris browned last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
