i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
