Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
