a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
