she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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