Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
