this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
