he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
