you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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