very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it penis luge time yet?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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