He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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