"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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