Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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