Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
