I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
40s are totally the cure
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
