I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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