That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
