So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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