If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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