soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize