Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
