Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
