I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
