i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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