Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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