have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
