so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
