If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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