we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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