i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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