Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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