During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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