idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
