the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
