OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
