I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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