ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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