help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
