I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone came in the potted fern
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
