if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
