Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
