I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You work out of a Hotel?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
