You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
