i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
