Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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