Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We smell like vodka and hangover
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