He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
