everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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