I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
