clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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