well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
