guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
