When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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