I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
