I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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