Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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