Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
