is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
