Well apparently he's into motor boating.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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