I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
