i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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