I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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