I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
