Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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