Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
