guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
