Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize