I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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