At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
